SOFTER MOMENTS
I am sitting here at the computer, with so many thoughts on my mind, knowing that this entry is not going to be like what we’re all accustomed to reading. I’ve got the I-Pod playing in my ears, a song that is both inspirational yet sorrowful, and I’m wondering if I should really be putting this out there? There are a few bright spots to talk about, but I just feel that if I don’t get the not-so-bright-spots out, they will only fester and affect me later. Ultimately, this is MY journal and so it’s time to talk about the everyday moments in just a regular guy’s life and the ups and downs that I know we all have faced at one point or another.
This past week of work went pretty well for me. Every day was different as far as how the filming went (subject matter) and the times that we wrapped up that day's episode. I enjoyed shooting the scenes between Harley (Beth Ehlers) and Coop (me) on Wednesday the 12th; they seemed very natural and heartfelt. Beth has a way of helping you really feel the scenes with her magical character persona. I can honestly say that if I worked with her every day, no two days would be the same, and I could learn something new each day. Basically, the scenes felt good and hopefully they will turn out the same. Friday the 14th didn’t exactly turn out how I would have wanted it too. Let me first say that Lizzie (Crystal Hunt) is a very charged performer, and when she’s ready to go, she’s ready to go. She has done some amazing work, some very emotional work, and on Friday it called for some of that work yet again. We were first up in the day, but I had to film more scenes than she did, so I went straight to hair/make-up, then I had to head up, get changed and get ready for the morning’s shooting to begin.
Now usually, Crystal and I would have an opportunity to run our lines a few times so that we could hear the tempo and just make sure we had worked the kinks out of the dialogue. Unfortunately that didn’t happen, so when it came to a very climactic scene, very charged scene, we or rather I, had some hiccups that caused some serious shooting delays. Because of all the physical actions that were involved and how sporadic the dialogue was, and the lack of a "line run-through," I kept blanking on two simple lines, and so we had to re-shoot this one scene close to ten times. I’d like to say that the whole situation felt very much like quicksand. Once you screw-up, you become aware of the place in the dialogue that seems to be giving you all the trouble, and so you focus on nailing just that one place. As a result, because you’re so focused on that one spot, you begin to take for granted other spots in the scene and they become rough spots because you’re not concentrating and thinking, or rather "listening" to your partner. After all, that is what acting is all about right? We listen to our scene partner and "react" to what they tell us and hopefully make it seem very natural. Well I got so thrown that I wasn’t focusing, I was beating myself up inside, apologizing to everyone on set, and became so aware of the entire scene that every line of mine became a trap in my mind. For those of you reading this that are actors/performers as well, I’m sure that you can understand what I’m talking about. All the producers were in the booth watching this and I’m sure they were commenting as I could see the looks on everyone’s face who wore a pair of headsets. Eventually Crystal looked at me and asked, "Would you like to run the lines?"
"Um, yeah that might be a really good idea," I said.
Once we ran the lines, I was able to get back on track and we completed the scene. I was never so happy to finish one scene since I started on the show. I guess I was really scared of what the producers would say to me being as how the previous week, I was late to work for the second time due to my alarm clock malfunctioning, and now this quicksand incident. The lateness just happened to be on the same day the Executive Producer (Ellen Wheeler) was directing. This was the second time on HER day to direct, that I was late. UNBELIEVABLE! Also, there were several people in the cast who had appointments they had scheduled for later in the day that needed to be rescheduled due to our hour and a half loss of time with my scene. People were very much on edge and tempers were beginning to get very short. They told me not to worry and shake it off, but it was because I couldn’t get two lousy lines straight that the backup occurred and people got pissed. Anyway, that was my week of work going into the weekend, not a great start, I have to say.
The other issue that is really on my mind is about friends. It’s about the friends and special people who we let in and the way that we treat them both good and bad. This weekend was hard for me because I had some very special people in my life get hurt by the things I either did or said. Maybe it was more along the lines of what I didn’t do or say. If I had to pick my biggest flaw, it would have to be that I’m horrible at communicating i.e. calling "friends" back and following through with previously made plans. I think that I actually hurt three or four special people in my life in one weekend, ONE FREAKING WEEKEND. It all came down to laziness and fear of confrontation with each person because I had managed to make plans on Friday and Saturday night with each one of them. I went to dinner and bowling on Friday night with the cast when I had agreed to meet with a friend and their group for drinks downtown. When they called to find out where I was, I was already a bit intoxicated trying to forget about that morning’s bad filming episode, and so I was short on the phone and said some hurtful things that I wish I could take back. All this because they wanted to hang out with me and I went back on what and where I said I was going to be. On Saturday night, another friend of mine in Brooklyn had off work and we had agreed earlier in the week that we would get a bite to eat, some coffee and just hang out and talk. Well I didn’t do that, I went into Manhattan and never called them to tell them I changed my plans. They waited all evening for me to make a call telling them I was ready to go and it never came; some friend, right? To top it off, that same night, friends from Connecticut came in and wanted to go bar hopping and have some fun. I told them I’d call them and that we’d meet up in the city somewhere. I never called them back and as it got later, they called me and I never checked my phone until well after I had missed it. Why did I do that? Why was I so caught up in myself and lazy that I didn’t get in contact with those that I call my friends? I’ve spoken to some of them since these incidents and I was so scared of the conflict that might come that I didn’t know what to say except "sorry". What an asshole thing to do, you know? That seems like such a typical young guy thing to do. Now before you say it, yes I am a young guy but this shouldn’t have happened with friends. I could tell that I hurt them on the phone, but they were so above it. "No worries, next time we’ll hopefully get to hang out," or "You better just make it up to me/us," why couldn’t I just be above being so childish like they were? Why am I so scared of confrontation? I guess I could say that it stems from seeing/hearing my parents fight at an early age and not wanting to be like that ever or say hurtful things to those I love and care about. Granted my parents love each other, I know that, but sometimes people just know how to push each other's buttons and so a fight does happen from time to time, it’s natural.
I could go on about this, I’m sure, but I’m going to move along to some upbeat events that happened since my last entry. The "2005 Hottest Hunks of Daytime Calendar" signing event went extremely well in Virginia. People from all over came out to see Gavin Houston (Remy Boudreau) and myself, and it honestly gave me a very warm welcome feeling inside. My family also came out in full force and bought a few Calendars to send to friends and extended family too. I can’t even tell you how many individuals I met and talked to (a couple individuals wanted us to talk to their friends on their cell phones) who really appreciated not only the work we were doing, but supporting a great cause and coming to an area that rarely gets visits such as these. Whether or not it was my hometown, I would go to whatever state, county or mall to meet individuals who support us. You’re the reason why we ("Guiding Light") have been around for over sixty years ultimately. Come to think of it, maybe we should hold an online contest to see which geographic location would like us to come to their area for a "meet and greet". Let’s say the top two finishers get….us out there. Something to think about maybe; let me know what you think of that idea! Anyway, I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who came out to support us and the Charity we were with and if you haven’t purchased a copy and want to get a copy of this calendar, just go to www.proeventsinc.comand follow the instructions.
I have to say that I’m feeling a bit better now that I’ve gotten some of this out on the table, granted there is still so much more but perhaps another time. I have started responding to some of my "blog" comments but unfortunately some posts will not allow me to respond due to the fact that they aren’t registered users. If I haven’t sent you a response yet, patience is a wonderful virtue that I’m still learning myself; I’m getting to all of them. Finally, thanks ya’ll for listening/reading these posts and again a special thanks from Gavin and I to those who made it out to see us last weekend (love you Mom, Dad, Gene, Erin and the rest of the Driscoll and Haynes clan).
This past week of work went pretty well for me. Every day was different as far as how the filming went (subject matter) and the times that we wrapped up that day's episode. I enjoyed shooting the scenes between Harley (Beth Ehlers) and Coop (me) on Wednesday the 12th; they seemed very natural and heartfelt. Beth has a way of helping you really feel the scenes with her magical character persona. I can honestly say that if I worked with her every day, no two days would be the same, and I could learn something new each day. Basically, the scenes felt good and hopefully they will turn out the same. Friday the 14th didn’t exactly turn out how I would have wanted it too. Let me first say that Lizzie (Crystal Hunt) is a very charged performer, and when she’s ready to go, she’s ready to go. She has done some amazing work, some very emotional work, and on Friday it called for some of that work yet again. We were first up in the day, but I had to film more scenes than she did, so I went straight to hair/make-up, then I had to head up, get changed and get ready for the morning’s shooting to begin.
Now usually, Crystal and I would have an opportunity to run our lines a few times so that we could hear the tempo and just make sure we had worked the kinks out of the dialogue. Unfortunately that didn’t happen, so when it came to a very climactic scene, very charged scene, we or rather I, had some hiccups that caused some serious shooting delays. Because of all the physical actions that were involved and how sporadic the dialogue was, and the lack of a "line run-through," I kept blanking on two simple lines, and so we had to re-shoot this one scene close to ten times. I’d like to say that the whole situation felt very much like quicksand. Once you screw-up, you become aware of the place in the dialogue that seems to be giving you all the trouble, and so you focus on nailing just that one place. As a result, because you’re so focused on that one spot, you begin to take for granted other spots in the scene and they become rough spots because you’re not concentrating and thinking, or rather "listening" to your partner. After all, that is what acting is all about right? We listen to our scene partner and "react" to what they tell us and hopefully make it seem very natural. Well I got so thrown that I wasn’t focusing, I was beating myself up inside, apologizing to everyone on set, and became so aware of the entire scene that every line of mine became a trap in my mind. For those of you reading this that are actors/performers as well, I’m sure that you can understand what I’m talking about. All the producers were in the booth watching this and I’m sure they were commenting as I could see the looks on everyone’s face who wore a pair of headsets. Eventually Crystal looked at me and asked, "Would you like to run the lines?"
"Um, yeah that might be a really good idea," I said.
Once we ran the lines, I was able to get back on track and we completed the scene. I was never so happy to finish one scene since I started on the show. I guess I was really scared of what the producers would say to me being as how the previous week, I was late to work for the second time due to my alarm clock malfunctioning, and now this quicksand incident. The lateness just happened to be on the same day the Executive Producer (Ellen Wheeler) was directing. This was the second time on HER day to direct, that I was late. UNBELIEVABLE! Also, there were several people in the cast who had appointments they had scheduled for later in the day that needed to be rescheduled due to our hour and a half loss of time with my scene. People were very much on edge and tempers were beginning to get very short. They told me not to worry and shake it off, but it was because I couldn’t get two lousy lines straight that the backup occurred and people got pissed. Anyway, that was my week of work going into the weekend, not a great start, I have to say.
The other issue that is really on my mind is about friends. It’s about the friends and special people who we let in and the way that we treat them both good and bad. This weekend was hard for me because I had some very special people in my life get hurt by the things I either did or said. Maybe it was more along the lines of what I didn’t do or say. If I had to pick my biggest flaw, it would have to be that I’m horrible at communicating i.e. calling "friends" back and following through with previously made plans. I think that I actually hurt three or four special people in my life in one weekend, ONE FREAKING WEEKEND. It all came down to laziness and fear of confrontation with each person because I had managed to make plans on Friday and Saturday night with each one of them. I went to dinner and bowling on Friday night with the cast when I had agreed to meet with a friend and their group for drinks downtown. When they called to find out where I was, I was already a bit intoxicated trying to forget about that morning’s bad filming episode, and so I was short on the phone and said some hurtful things that I wish I could take back. All this because they wanted to hang out with me and I went back on what and where I said I was going to be. On Saturday night, another friend of mine in Brooklyn had off work and we had agreed earlier in the week that we would get a bite to eat, some coffee and just hang out and talk. Well I didn’t do that, I went into Manhattan and never called them to tell them I changed my plans. They waited all evening for me to make a call telling them I was ready to go and it never came; some friend, right? To top it off, that same night, friends from Connecticut came in and wanted to go bar hopping and have some fun. I told them I’d call them and that we’d meet up in the city somewhere. I never called them back and as it got later, they called me and I never checked my phone until well after I had missed it. Why did I do that? Why was I so caught up in myself and lazy that I didn’t get in contact with those that I call my friends? I’ve spoken to some of them since these incidents and I was so scared of the conflict that might come that I didn’t know what to say except "sorry". What an asshole thing to do, you know? That seems like such a typical young guy thing to do. Now before you say it, yes I am a young guy but this shouldn’t have happened with friends. I could tell that I hurt them on the phone, but they were so above it. "No worries, next time we’ll hopefully get to hang out," or "You better just make it up to me/us," why couldn’t I just be above being so childish like they were? Why am I so scared of confrontation? I guess I could say that it stems from seeing/hearing my parents fight at an early age and not wanting to be like that ever or say hurtful things to those I love and care about. Granted my parents love each other, I know that, but sometimes people just know how to push each other's buttons and so a fight does happen from time to time, it’s natural.
I could go on about this, I’m sure, but I’m going to move along to some upbeat events that happened since my last entry. The "2005 Hottest Hunks of Daytime Calendar" signing event went extremely well in Virginia. People from all over came out to see Gavin Houston (Remy Boudreau) and myself, and it honestly gave me a very warm welcome feeling inside. My family also came out in full force and bought a few Calendars to send to friends and extended family too. I can’t even tell you how many individuals I met and talked to (a couple individuals wanted us to talk to their friends on their cell phones) who really appreciated not only the work we were doing, but supporting a great cause and coming to an area that rarely gets visits such as these. Whether or not it was my hometown, I would go to whatever state, county or mall to meet individuals who support us. You’re the reason why we ("Guiding Light") have been around for over sixty years ultimately. Come to think of it, maybe we should hold an online contest to see which geographic location would like us to come to their area for a "meet and greet". Let’s say the top two finishers get….us out there. Something to think about maybe; let me know what you think of that idea! Anyway, I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who came out to support us and the Charity we were with and if you haven’t purchased a copy and want to get a copy of this calendar, just go to www.proeventsinc.comand follow the instructions.
I have to say that I’m feeling a bit better now that I’ve gotten some of this out on the table, granted there is still so much more but perhaps another time. I have started responding to some of my "blog" comments but unfortunately some posts will not allow me to respond due to the fact that they aren’t registered users. If I haven’t sent you a response yet, patience is a wonderful virtue that I’m still learning myself; I’m getting to all of them. Finally, thanks ya’ll for listening/reading these posts and again a special thanks from Gavin and I to those who made it out to see us last weekend (love you Mom, Dad, Gene, Erin and the rest of the Driscoll and Haynes clan).
posted by Alina Adams at 7:38 AM
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